i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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