Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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