You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize