I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
