i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
