i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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