kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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