I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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