I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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