So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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