Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
