Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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