loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
