it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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