There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
