I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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