bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
