Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize