guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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