Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
