Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
