At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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