yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
