you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
