is wine microwaveable?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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