sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
