there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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