in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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