Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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