and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
