4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
50% drunk capacity currently
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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