Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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