careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
