new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
