clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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