wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
