put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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