If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i've created a new STD.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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