just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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