Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
