Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
