The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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