puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
