i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
