soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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