you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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