just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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