I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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