One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
