I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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