She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
