i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
