what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
