Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
