is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Randomize
