The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
