What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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