So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
