I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
