The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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