I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
