Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize