my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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