My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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