Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
