my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
