toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
