i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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