Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How naked do you want me to be?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
