This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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