I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
