He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
