when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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