So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
