She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So apparently I’m into choking now
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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