This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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