I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
