I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
