well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
