Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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