Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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