Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
