I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
