Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
