got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
bring money and cleavage
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
