using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
