wake up i wanna do it froggy style
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
