im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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