he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
