god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
