Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
