Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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