we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
