69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
sarcasm needs its own font
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
