my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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