You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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