You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
